firebornfidelis: manga (something like fine)
Riza Hawkeye ([personal profile] firebornfidelis) wrote in [personal profile] ignitethesky 2011-01-25 04:02 am (UTC)

[voice now - still knox-like]

[It starts with a soft breath. She is calm enough now to go back to using voice.]

You have been the center of my world for... more than a decade. There is nothing and no one more important to me than you. You are my family, my whole family excepting Grandfather. I would willingly die for you. Please believe me when I say that there is nothing that you can say that would ever make me abandon you. You don't have to be afraid of that. It's a promise, and I'll do anything not to break a promise. So when I say that this is really about what you want, I mean it.

And when I say that I don't want to fight with you anymore, I mean that, too. I hate yelling at you, and I hate being angry with you. I know it's inevitable in life, there are always disagreements, but when I fight with you it feels like my whole world is hanging in the balance.

[She pauses to catch her breath and... change gears.]

You want to know why, under basically the same circumstances, I was quiet with him and I became violent with you. I don't understand your fixation on this point, but I'll try to explain anyway. With him, in that moment when I woke up beside him and couldn't remember how I'd gotten there, I knew I wouldn't have done anything with him that I would regret not recalling, even while I was inebriated.

[Hopefully he doesn't fail to catch the significant emphasis on one particular word in her last sentence.]

With you, when I woke up like that and I couldn't remember right away... I was upset. I shouldn't have hit you, it wasn't your fault, but in that moment I wasn't quite rational yet and... I didn't want to have forgotten.

[Oh, please let that be clear enough because she doesn't want to have to really spell it out for him.]

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